It happens; maybe more often than we care to admit. All those things we have done. Those choices we have made. They creep in our mind and haunt us. Maybe there are a few with fewer things to recall, but we all have them. Bad choices. Bad behaviors. Things we wish we had never done.
I know some people say they don't regret their actions or choices because it helped them be who they are today. I have a hard time believing them fully, but that's not my story. I regret. So much.
And the other day I woke with regrets filling my brain. And I didn't fight them at first, but neither did I give into them. I moved through my day, letting them be. Wondering if this will be a lifetime thing. The blame, shame, and guilt on the verge of grabbing my heart and holding it captive.
But then, God got my attention and reminded me that no matter how many or how few things I have done badly, there is nothing I can do to remedy those things. I can't make them go away. I can't do anything to counteract it.
Have you ever noticed you are barely woken up with all the good things you have done floating in your head?
And I knew, I can't fight what I have done. But I don't need to. God has forgiven me for all those things I hate to remember. The stupid moments. The accidental moments. The didn't know any better moments. The I chose badly plain and simple moments. He knows. My reminders don't remind Him. They happened. I did it. And He forgave me.
At the cross I met with Him, and He forgave me for it all.
So, I don't have to try to fight those memories by living better now. Granted, I do, because I know better now and because I don't want any more regrets. But I will have them, because I'm me and I will mess up again. The peace is in knowing that no matter what I have done, nor what I do, God will forgive me and He loves me and He sees me as His child.
So, if you wake with reminders of mistakes you have made running through your head. Don't give up on life because you feel you've made a mess of things. And don't try to live your life better to make up for what you have done. Simply release it to God, accept his forgiveness, and move into His love for the rest of your life. And make that choice every moment you need a reminder.
That regret was paid for on the cross. Let it go.