Sunday, February 5, 2017

Learning anything new (or better) means mistakes will happen. Start over.

Coddiwompling is hard.You wouldn't think so, I get it. I didn't think it would be. But this one month of it has left me straining, pulling, twisting, and defeated. Possibly as it should have. You see, going with a purposeful manner to an unknown destination seems to come up against me, even if I thought it was my very nature. Suddenly, I want to know exactly where I am going, and my listening skills are worth nothing.

Let me back up a little. I really need to start by saying that listening is a learned skill. Whoever you are listening to, it takes effort to really hear without trying to put your own agenda within their words. It takes effort to strip away your own preconceived notions, leanings, and determinations so that you can clearly hear the heart of what is being said. This is true if you are listening to a person or God. 

While I have said God leads me, and I listen to Him, it feels as if this is a new process I am learning all over. And maybe it's simply that I'm going deeper in the skill, but as with anything new you will make mistakes as you are learning it. Trust me. One for me which really sticks out is when I was at Revelation Wellness® Instructor Training and I had this gut knowing that I was supposed to skip a dinner and just spend some time with God. It went well for maybe 15 minutes, and then my head got in the way. "Not eat supper? Did He really say THAT? Maybe He simply wanted to eat supper with you alone." And then I did the stupid. I went to the dining room, grabbed a dinner, and sat at a table NEAR MY FRIENDS but by myself. I don't think I really thought what that might express to them. In that moment I thought, surely this was what God really wanted. After all, why would He call me not to eat dinner.

In the end.... I may have offended two tables worth of friends who asked me to join them. I did NOT LIKE dinner. I felt uncomfortable and tried to cover it up with a "no I'm doing it right" holy something attitude -- no telling how THAT came off. And when people from Holy Yoga joined me at the table I felt even more awkward and uncomfortable. Not because of anything they did but because God was trying to tell me He did NOT call me to what I was doing. It was a mess, and I think it had ramifications of which I am not fully aware. 

I left the dining room, and went and found some space to just be with God. And He was there waiting for me. Not mad or upset, so patient and loving, but waiting.

I fell to Eve's temptation. "Did God really say...." And honestly, that seems to be an easy thing for me to fall to.

I listen for direction, and if I don't understand the reasoning or the end game then I question what I hear. And God never told me He would tell me everything. In fact, He tells us His thoughts are higher than ours, so I wont understand everything. 

And that's where I have been with the coddiwompling. I have been crying out, "PLEASE just tell me where I am going so I can prep well." And He's been saying, "Rest. Be. I've got this. Just trust me and follow."

I've always said God will prepare us for what we will do/deal with/face. I have always said that God will not leave us. I have always said that God knows best for us. And yet in this past month I have fought Him. wrestled with Him, and struggled against not having the end game in sight. 

Thankfully I can start over every morning. Thankfully I can turn my eyes back to Him and plead mercy. Thankfully His grace will do it's work in my heart. But I am sure there are ramifications to this past month of which I am not fully aware. 

As we learn to do something new, whether it's listen to God or something else He is teaching us, we will make mistakes along the way. All we can do is trust God and keep turning back to Him whenever we catch ourselves wandering away.

So, I am turning back to God (again), thankful for a do-over, grateful for His love, learning to listen closely as He directs and calls me in whichever way He feels I should go, trusting that in Him I will coddiwomple with the best of them. This morning He pressed on me that HE is my vision and HE prepares me. It's time for me to give up trying to do it all by myself.

If you are looking for some guided meditations for some quiet times when it's just you and God here are three for you to check out: (Podbean links for Android, but they are also on Itunes)

But sometimes I find it useful to simply have some worship music playing, or even silence. And I always have the Bible nearby to look things up, or read. Because sometimes God just wants to spend time with us; no agenda. 

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