Saturday, October 22, 2016

Finding my place among the millions.

As I begin this new path of fitness instructor, it's one that is unusual to me. I'm trying to listen to God and allow Him to lead me on this path, but sometimes I feel as if I'm looking into a hole trying to figure out how to get to the bottom and then back out. How do I advertise, where do I work, who do I help, where is my reach, who would even listen, why should I if they are, should I redo everything, where do I turn next, and my mind finally needs to hear, "woah nelly! Breathe. Step back. And listen."

God knows me well. He knows that if I am let loose I will turn into a whirling gust of wind that amounts to nothing than a dust devil. But sometimes I do get spun up with all those thoughts I listed above trying to figure out exactly how to do this.

And that's my biggest problem. There is no exactly how. There is her way, and her way, and his way, and my way and none of us should look exactly the same even if we are similar in all of it. It's daily following God and trusting Him.

He never promised me riches. He never promised me pay. He said He would take care of me, never leave me, nor forsake me. He told me to love Him and love others and myself. He asked me to follow Him. 

So, when I am tempted to think one day I can be one of those "big names" and reach an untold number of people, I stop and remember that it's not about me. My name is not the one to be told and retold. My story is a tool. My fitness is a tool. My love of research is a tool. My ability to share is a tool. I am a tool. 

But, and this is important, I am not a tool in the current sense of the word. I am not something He simply uses and puts on a shelf when done with. No, this is the amazing part: His love flows through me, so He loves me first so that I can love Him and others. 

And my heart is for others. I do want to help. I do want to reach. I do want to love. And God is going to show me exactly how to do that, keeping my priorities straight. 

That's one thing that's still stretching my heart. In all things God wants to guide us. Heart, Soul, Mind, Strength. ALL things. Wholeheartedly.

So I will let Him guide me. I will try not to jump ahead or drag behind. I will go confidently knowing He called me, and He has good works for me yet to do. And whatever He brings my way and puts in front of me, I will know when it is for me to do. And I will keep my heart and attitude in check, because I am grateful for the love He has shown me, peace He has placed within me, and joy He has graced me with.

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