I went to the doctor yesterday. I don't like going to the doctor. It's something I put off. I would much rather whatever "it" is take care of itself. Yes, magically.
Before my Black Belt test and first Marathon I only went to the doctor because the pain was great. I was supposed to go back, but I had things to do (refer back to the test and race). I couldn't afford to not do those things. Not in my brain. The pain and problem at that time did go away with being careful, kttape, ice and heat and tylenol. I made it through both events, and a trip, and never had to go back.
And then last week the same shoulder got hurt again. I honestly don't know what happened, though conjecture says possibly at taekwondo, but I didn't feel anything out of the ordinary that night. I'm feeling things out of the ordinary at this point. But I have a half marathon next month, a retreat the month after that, and a trip soon to follow.
WHAT is up with my body?? Got something you are looking forward to? Let me create just a few more hurdles and obstacles for you.
Well, I went. To the doctor, that is. And they got me something to see if inflammation is simply the issue. And if it's not we'll see where we go next week. She told me I could do light stuff. I was going to do "light" stuff. Then Cap told me to rest this morning. And I knew he was right. I would rather take the week off completely and give myself a real chance to heal, than wonder if I hadn't _____ would I be okay? Better to know for sure. So only daily life activities for me this week, and some of those I may take a break from depending on how my arm responds.
Now, here's the thing. I hate this. I feel like a whiny baby making much ado about nothing. My brain tells me to suck it up and keep going. This culture says not to let anything stand in our way! Even on Dancing with the Stars one girl was praised for continuing on even though she had ripped the muscles between her ribs and was in severe pain. See, it's something that is seen as desirable. It's good to put yourself in pain for something you want. Better than letting someone or yourself down. I guess?
And I get it. It's SOOOOOO easy to fall into that thinking. (refer back to the test and race above) The competition? The pride? They can pull me in before I know what is happening if I don't stay on guard. But we're forgetting something that I'm trying really hard to remember this time. Rest is sometimes needed. Our bodies need it, crave it, desire it, and will break without it.
I may not run my best half ever if I don't practice this week, but I may not run the half at all if I don't rest this week. My body needs the rest to heal. Can't do it without it, actually. And I don't want to re-injure something before it heals either. What's the good in that?
So, this week I rest. Then we'll see where we go depending on if I have to go back to the doctor or not. Gosh, I hope this week of rest pays off and I don't have to go back. Truly. But at least I will know I've done all I could. At least I will have given myself a fighting chance. It's just crazy how hard it is to actually do nothing sometimes.