I'm doing everything I think I should be doing. I'm taking risks and stepping out. I wonder if there is something I'm still avoiding, though. I don't know. I slink into quiet in the evenings and in the mornings. I'm having really good days, but the words still don't come.
This blog has been going like a certain day I had recently. I poured a cup of coffee into a basket full of papers. It was like slow motion. I slipped the lid of a container into the refried beans I was taking to a group dinner. A glass of red wine was spilled on a table. Things didn't go just right. And yet, nothing that was so horrible that it ruined the day. The papers survived, I made the refried beans and they were yummy, and the wine did NOT get on the light colored carpet. All good things. And so, I'm trusting that while I'm not getting things just as I'd like here there are still some good things that will come out of it.
I have to stop taking myself so seriously, I think. Or maybe I need to stop pre-deciding how a post will be taken before it's written. And I definitely need to stop thinking everything I write will be offensive to someone I know.
The thing is, it might not matter to anyone else, but it matters to me. And when I let myself stop myself, it's like no one matters. And my words need to matter to me, if no one else. So I'm going to force myself down to this computer every day. I'm going to give my words the attention they need. And I'm going to keep working on that Mercy study. Not just for you, but for me too.